I had some time to think today, in between meetings and schedules, Sharpie pens and tape... to look back on the last couple months of my life and the friendships that have ended. Fallouts being big or small... I've noticed that quite a few people have enjoyed my company, and then took their leave for reasons either known or unknown.
I think friendships are based on a mutual love, respect, understanding and patience. Those 4 simple principles are essential to making relationships (any relationship) worthwhile and meaningful. I feel like I've been a good friend to those who have come into my life. I've tried my hardest to listen to their problems, give advice when asked, or just shut up and let them rant until they are blue in the face. Only to turn around the next day and beat that same dead horse over again... just one more time for good measure. Communication like that is essential, the way you react to someone spilling their feelings, filled with joy and inevitably sometimes saddness, will ultimately decide the depth of the friendship you will retain with that person.
Bad jobs, family issues, shitty boyfriends or girlfriends... 9 times out of 10 one of these topics is what you're discussing with your friends on a daily or weekly basis. How often have you thought to yourself 'Jesus, I'm sick of hearing about this already!!!', while your girlfriend calls you for the 4th time in 2 days with the same endless rant about her boyfriend. Come on... be honest. Eventually, you listen hoping she will hear her own words, and turn it around, apply it to her situation, and move on. Normally, that doesn't happen. Relationships can take weeks or even months to fizzle out, or explode with a necessary *BANG* in order to knock that friend loose. Fact of the matter is, you could be listening to the same story over and over again, with no end result. At this point you have two options, BAIL or stick it out. Now, I'm a "stick it out" kinda girl... no pun intended... I'd listen to a friend until my ears bleed. Because thats what friends do. I'd sit while she cried, buy her drink after fruity drink until she was drunk as a skunk passed out in a bar bathroom, if it made her feel better. The bailers, well, needless to say I've encountered my fair share. And you know what, friendships are like jobs, you have to work at it. They aren't easy on your stress level or your time. And if someome has a shitty work ethic in the friendship department, I'm better off. Go ahead and bail, if I'm not good enough for you to want to stick around... adios.
I'm in no way bashing anyone person in particular, even I've fallen victim to a case of "I dont want to leave the house or even call friends back syndrom" during points in my life. No stones being thrown here kiddies... I've been a lazy friend too. But that doesn't mean my love and dedication to that person falters. It doesn't mean, in my friend's low point I would say "You know what, I just don't want to deal with this anymore".
I see a revolving door of friendship developing, of life actually, we've become so accustomed to possesions and people being expendable. Replaceable. I wrote a blog a long time ago, and in it I said "I want to be anything but expendable.", and that statement rings truer today sitting here blogging 5 years later. I want friends who understand me, who know I'll listen to them for hours. Who know if they tell me their crampy and PMSing, I'll get in my car and show up with Haagen Daaz and midol. I want friends who know how important my time is, who accept the fact I'm a busy person, and are satisfied with quality time rather than quantity time. Friends who love Sex and the City, but don't live their life like they wish they were on the show. Maybe those friends are out there, maybe they aren't.
I'm thankful for my old friends. Here today, I'm thankful to the ones who have left, making room for people who don't believe in the revolving door. I'm thankful to the new friends who have come into my life. Those who step up, and stick their foot in the path, of that door, and defiantly stand their ground. Their position never faltering, their friendship for you worn on their sleeve.
Friendships arent expendable, conditional or easily defineable. So, step out of the TV kids, come back to reality, not everything can be summed up in a Carrie Bradshaw quote.
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7 comments:
This is why you are my best friend!
I think that friendships (and any other relationship) are based on reciprocation. Every relationship is an exchange, and in order to be satisfied in the relationship you both have to feel as if you're getting just as much as you give.
When friendships slowly die I think it's usually due to the fact that one or both of the participants have decided to participate less.
Some people are relationship locusts; meeting new people, falling in deep with them, taking all they can get, and then moving on to the next unsuspecting victim once the first has wisened up.
That's my take.
It is really too bad that people can't have mutual respect, love or consideration. Good point C with the "getting just as much as you give" I completly agree!
You say this blog isn’t pointing fingers at anyone, but it’s obviously about Sarah, which I think is shitty because you know she’s going to read it. I believe this blog thing is going a little too far when it becomes a forum to ridicule and berate your “friends”—a way to say things you’re too chicken to say to their face. I’ve never seen such bad communication before between a group of girls. You and Sarah, you and Cailin, Lacey and Sarah. Lacey and Hannah. Sometimes, no matter how scary confrontation or talking about your feelings is, it’s necessary. That is part of working on a friendship, listening, being there, “sticking it out.” I’ve had good girlfriends for years and the reason why we’ve all remained friends for such a long time is because we communicate face to face or on the phone about things bothering us. And not being friends with each other is never an option.
As much as I don’t want to get in the middle of this, I’ve seen our entire America’s Next Top Model group crumble in the last six months, and it’s just ridiculous. As an outsider, I think you guys need a little communication between each other. Sit down and talk about what bothers you about the other one. Then get over it and stay friends…
J- As a whole the whole situation is shitty. My writing about it is only exposing the shittiness even further and opening a forum to give input and personal views.
Yes, the "ANTM" group has crumbled. Fact of the matter is, I was written off by someone in that little group, and I'm sure I would not be on a list of Top Five to invite to a function.
I don't like having people in my life leave. If I could, Id keep every friend. But others dont feel the same way. Others have this idea that having friends means you spend every waking moment together... that if one of them isn't giving you enough attention, they are no longer worthy of your friendship. Its conditional.
Anyways... I dont know. The whole demise of the particular group of friends is sad and unfortunate.
Shannon, I couldn't agree with your last comment more. It makes me sad that more of us, including myself, could not be more adult about certain situations. I suppose now, in our 20's, we are all just trying to figure out who we are. But that does not excuse the poor treatment of others, and I am as guilty of it as the next person. It makes me sad that, as you say, our friendships are so "conditional." And although some "time off" is obviously sometimes needed, I wish that "ending friendships" wasn't so common, or for that matter, even an option. More than anything, I wish that we could all just sit down together and talk things out one day. Maybe someday, huh?
*awkward silence and creepy drama voyeurism*
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