The Revolving Door

I had some time to think today, in between meetings and schedules, Sharpie pens and tape... to look back on the last couple months of my life and the friendships that have ended. Fallouts being big or small... I've noticed that quite a few people have enjoyed my company, and then took their leave for reasons either known or unknown.

I think friendships are based on a mutual love, respect, understanding and patience. Those 4 simple principles are essential to making relationships (any relationship) worthwhile and meaningful. I feel like I've been a good friend to those who have come into my life. I've tried my hardest to listen to their problems, give advice when asked, or just shut up and let them rant until they are blue in the face. Only to turn around the next day and beat that same dead horse over again... just one more time for good measure. Communication like that is essential, the way you react to someone spilling their feelings, filled with joy and inevitably sometimes saddness, will ultimately decide the depth of the friendship you will retain with that person.

Bad jobs, family issues, shitty boyfriends or girlfriends... 9 times out of 10 one of these topics is what you're discussing with your friends on a daily or weekly basis. How often have you thought to yourself 'Jesus, I'm sick of hearing about this already!!!', while your girlfriend calls you for the 4th time in 2 days with the same endless rant about her boyfriend. Come on... be honest. Eventually, you listen hoping she will hear her own words, and turn it around, apply it to her situation, and move on. Normally, that doesn't happen. Relationships can take weeks or even months to fizzle out, or explode with a necessary *BANG* in order to knock that friend loose. Fact of the matter is, you could be listening to the same story over and over again, with no end result. At this point you have two options, BAIL or stick it out. Now, I'm a "stick it out" kinda girl... no pun intended... I'd listen to a friend until my ears bleed. Because thats what friends do. I'd sit while she cried, buy her drink after fruity drink until she was drunk as a skunk passed out in a bar bathroom, if it made her feel better. The bailers, well, needless to say I've encountered my fair share. And you know what, friendships are like jobs, you have to work at it. They aren't easy on your stress level or your time. And if someome has a shitty work ethic in the friendship department, I'm better off. Go ahead and bail, if I'm not good enough for you to want to stick around... adios.

I'm in no way bashing anyone person in particular, even I've fallen victim to a case of "I dont want to leave the house or even call friends back syndrom" during points in my life. No stones being thrown here kiddies... I've been a lazy friend too. But that doesn't mean my love and dedication to that person falters. It doesn't mean, in my friend's low point I would say "You know what, I just don't want to deal with this anymore".

I see a revolving door of friendship developing, of life actually, we've become so accustomed to possesions and people being expendable. Replaceable. I wrote a blog a long time ago, and in it I said "I want to be anything but expendable.", and that statement rings truer today sitting here blogging 5 years later. I want friends who understand me, who know I'll listen to them for hours. Who know if they tell me their crampy and PMSing, I'll get in my car and show up with Haagen Daaz and midol. I want friends who know how important my time is, who accept the fact I'm a busy person, and are satisfied with quality time rather than quantity time. Friends who love Sex and the City, but don't live their life like they wish they were on the show. Maybe those friends are out there, maybe they aren't.

I'm thankful for my old friends. Here today, I'm thankful to the ones who have left, making room for people who don't believe in the revolving door. I'm thankful to the new friends who have come into my life. Those who step up, and stick their foot in the path, of that door, and defiantly stand their ground. Their position never faltering, their friendship for you worn on their sleeve.

Friendships arent expendable, conditional or easily defineable. So, step out of the TV kids, come back to reality, not everything can be summed up in a Carrie Bradshaw quote.

ANI or BUST

My weekend was great. J and I packed up, and spent Friday night w/ M & J, and their puppy Aadon (happens to be Beene's brother from another litter; same parents). After eating some grub, we cracked open the Melon Skyy Vodka we brought them, and played the Mexican Train Game. If you've never had a chance to play this, you should get on that. After a few rounds we got bored and switched to a game of truth or dare. Tops were shed, whip cream applied. It couldn't have been funner with any other couple. Those girl crack me up. We got to bed alot later than planned but managed to get up at 5:30am and make it out the door by 6:15ish. After a brief stop at Jack in the Crack for breakfast, and a pit stop to check the tires, we were on our way.

We made it to our camp site after a short detour through farm coutry. The site was practically a resort as far as Im concerned. There were nice showers, and bathrooms cleaned daily by a cleaning service. Our camp site was big, and spacious w/ water, AND electricity plug ins. Its about a 5 minute walk from a HUGE lake/resevoir/marina, so we swam and floated on our blow up mattress a lot. Sunday we toured some wineries, and tried to escape the bees that took a liking to J's sweetness. Monday we got up super early b/c it was so hot, and went down to the lake and layed out in the sun. Having nothing really to do until the show, we went back to our favorite winery and drank more, ate cheese and crackers w/ fruit.

The whole purpose of this trip was to see Ani diFranco at Secret House Winery, and it was AWESOME. We were about 30 yards away from the stage, thats SO close for GA Ani concert apparently. She talked to the crowd a lot (which she doesn’t do normally) specifically about her new pregnancy and it was a really good time. Tuesday we got up early, packed out and made it back into town about 11:30am. Normally its almost a 6 hour drive, but we did it in less than 4 with no traffic.

It was good to come home, and pick up the dogs. I had such a great 4 days away, spending time with my love. It was probably the best vacation I've ever had.

THIS WEEKEND: Ani show at Marymoore!!! Hempfest at the Seattle Center.

The Longest Month

I feel like crying today. Everything I’m doing at work seems to come out wrong. I’m not the strongest when it comes to math – finding the gross, then the net; figuring IN or OUT commission – it’s just never been my forte. I’m trying my hardest, and no matter how hard I try, it seems like things are coming back around, biting me in the ass. On the surface it looks like I’m doing everything correctly, and then the technical Gods work against me, and this God-dammed program just does things “automatic”. Of course, being a novice, I don’t think to go back and check it out. I think “Cool, I did it right, move on to the next order.” But it’s that next order that forces the “automatic” to impose itself on the original order. Not that any of this is going to make sense to anyone but me. And even still… I DON’T GET IT. Maybe I’m hard-headed, I don’t know. But it seems like this whole month has just been trial and error, and the error is making me seem incompetent when I know I’m capable.

This is a sneaky job. To outsiders, or even my co-workers, it may seem laid back, and easy. Like I’ve got a lot of free time, and yes, I do. But the dark, ugly secret is that this position filters lots of money weekly, bigger numbers than they are aware of. And it all rests on my back, and the back of my rep. If one or both of us slip, or miss something, it not only means back tracking the whole process but going back to the client and explaining why we can’t do it right in the first place. I’m aware of “learning curves”, and that some jobs take getting used to but this isn’t one of them. You have to be fully prepared to jump headlong into the responsibilities. Maybe I wasn’t as prepared as I thought. Maybe I’m not cut out for this.

Top that off with running around downtown today on my sorry excuse for a lunch, and I’m a huge ball of fun times today. Standing in line after line, dealing with huffing and puffing irritated sighs from people miserable to be doing what there are paid to do. I feel like the negativity of my surroundings, coupled with the frustration I’m feeling at work is making me a snippy desk-jockey today.

So what do I do? That’s the million dollar question. I tough it out everyday, hoping I didn’t eff something up the day before. A girl can dream.

#*&%@^*! Internet

Ya ok... so I posted a semi-lengthy blog recapping last night, and fore shadowing fun things to come this week, and for the 2nd time since I have begun blogging on blogspot my web browser mysteriously froze then disappeared, only after sucking my intensely thought out blog into the black hole of cyber space. Gone. No prompt. No nothing.

*Poof*

Bastards.

Mafia Monday

A lazy weekend at home seems to be just what the proverbial doctor ordered. J and I spent a lax weekend at home, doing no more than necessary and I actually liked it. We've had some seriously busy weeks, and I felt I needed a break. This is of course in preparation for our camping extravaganza this coming weekend in OR. It feels like YEARS have passed since the words "Ani in August" we're uttered by this lovely female who has inhabited my life. Even though the excitement hasn't struck me completely, I felt the need to go shopping Saturday. Its like I'm a kid the week before school starts. After a disappointing trip to GI Joes (what company doesn't reorder camping gear MID CAMPING SEASON... Ugh), our luck shaped up when we made a trade for a new 4 man tent! Woohoo.

Sunday we slept in and enjoyed the morning, running out the door by 12pm to find decent parking for another uneventful Mariner's game. I think the only reason I go is to drink beer and flirt with J in public. Both good reasons as far as I'm concerned. So, the M's lost, no surprise there... and we managed to depart from said game sober enough to drive, and without having to kick some bitchy woman's ass who decided to start crap with us in a crowd outside the stadium. Good times as usual... just a day in the life of Shannon, I tell ya.

The beer and food left us really sleepy and so we laid down and took a nap... rousing around 8pm, just in time to grab some sushi from Sam's. Which has become our personal chef lately... 4 visits in a week is becoming excessive. Sam waved to us as we left and said " Thank you, have a good night... see you tomorrow!" Sad... we are now the lazy girls who each there nightly. Eh... its damn good sushi. Try the crunchy roll, you'll go back for seconds.
TONIGHT: Yes kids, it's that time again. Mafia Monday is upon us...

Devil Dogs

Don't get me wrong, I love my dogs. Harper and Beene are great pups with super attitudes. But occasionally I forget they are still canines and capable of destruction, without giving a second thought to consequences. The last couple days these two have been nothing short of temperamental little bastards, and I've wanted to break their little puppy legs. (Back off PETA, I'm only kidding.)

Two nights ago, my love and I decided on sushi for dinner. We walked the block up to Sam's and stuffed ourselves full of delectible finger food until we were on the verge of bursting. Of course that didnt stop us from making a pit stop on the way home to KV for dessert. Total... we must have been gone 45 minutes. We both acknowledged that the dogs deserved a trip to the P A R K and planned on taking them when we came back from dinner.

*Key in the lock* Door Opens*....

"What the hell is this...."

To my complete and utter astonishment, we walked into an entire newspaper shredded into hamster bedding, and a couple of sleepy eyed dogs... sleepy from the roll of Ritz crackers they managed to wolf down! We had a good chuckle to ourselves because it was hilarious, and then returned to scolding the demons sitting wide-eyed and stuffed to the gills.

Flash forward to this morning...

Beene thought it'd be a good idea to chew the crotches of our underwear, (2nd day in a row) so she spent the morning in her crate. After eating most of her breakfast, J crawled back into bed for a few minutes of snuggling... when out of no where *smack smack chomp chomp*... Harper helped herself to the remains for J's oatmeal sitting on the coffee table. GREAT.

Thinking the worst of the devilish dog activity was behind me, I left Beene out of her crate while I took a shower, so she could have a few minutes of freedom. Less than 15 minutes later, I walk into the living room, to my little pug... curled up... all soft and cute... next to J's orange rocker... CHEWING ON IT. Jesus... kill me now. I think it's time for an exorcism people. My house is being over run by Satan's little helpers.

2 Blogs in one day

This is now my second blog of the day, a celebration of my return to blogspot. I deviated from blogspot, instead journaling on myspace, thinking more people would enjoy reading my senseless babbling there. Well... myspace sucks lately. Its been completely inundated with hackers, spammers and pedophiles... THAT... and my work has officially banned us from accessing it by blocking the server. Woe is me... no more trolling out of sheer boredom. R.I.P. Myspace, it seems the sun may be setting on the era of your rule. Oh well. Moving along...

Work has been keeping me on my toes lately. I'm still kind of learning as I go. Luckily, I've hit few snags. I do so enjoy getting a paycheck, so I'm trying my damnedest not to eff anything up beyond repair.

Capitol Hill Block Party on Saturday rocked. We managed to position ourselves just outside the side entrance to the main stage so we had a clear view of the VIP area, the stage, and the bands waiting to perform. It was nothing short of awesome to see Silversun Pickups, my new obsession, LIVE. For your viewing pleasure....




These guys are awesome as far as I'm concerned. If you watch the video, you can see how hard the drummer rocks out. And the fact they have a girl playing bass, is just cool beyond words. I can't wait to see them again.

TONIGHT: Unpack the rest of my crap.