Immaturity Abounds

This will be an effort on my part to relieve the last bit of unwelcome stress that has developed post-fight with my friends of the last 2 years.


My friend who came into town, decided to have her birthday dinner at the most expensive restaurant in Seattle. It is not a little known fact that I don't have hundreds of dollars to be throwing down on a meal that Im going to eventually expel from my body anyways. I had absolutely no idea how incredibly pricey this dinner was going to be until I looked at the menu online. I couldn't even afford to just drink and eat an appetizer. After further investigation of the lunch menu, I noticed said restaurant displayed basically the same meals, at about 65% of what they charge for the dinner! Overall, this was going to shape up to be the most expensive purchase I've made in months (aside from rent...) and I just honestly couldn't afford it. Now, I'm sorry but if a friend can't afford something, I consider it bad form to turn around and give her a guilt trip. Most people would understand, acknowledge the high prices, and be satisfied with my company out at the bar we had all planned to go to for drinks.

I guess it wasn't going to be enough. I woke up the next morning thinking everything was fine, that she understood, and that we would all still have a swell breakfast and proceed together to go look at Bridemaid's dresses. I was completely WRONG. I came home to a message notifying me that they had bumped up their departure time for breakfast by a half an hour. 5 phone calls later my friend finally picked up. Breakfast had been moved to Alki, and it seems the general consensus was it would be a better idea for me to just meet them at the dress shop.

I had been SHUT OUT.

Apparently, my not being able to attend dinner was a HORRID thing, and I was a terrible friend for having an issue with the outrageous prices. (OH and PS. I had just had lunch with her and her fiance not 1 day prior.) All of a sudden, standing in the middle of my living room, I felt as if I had time warped back to high school, and I saw how pathetic it was that I had allowed someone to effect me and my happiness to the point of tears. I had had enough.

I called my friend's phone and low and behold she couldn't even pick it up, she had to give it to someone else. I immediately thought... "how childish is this going to get? You can't even pick up the phone and talk to one of your "best friends"." What kind of friendship is that? It's a friendship based on conditions, and obviously I hadn't met her conditions to be considered worthy enough to even talk to on the phone.

Long story short, I apologized to our mutual friend, and asked she let the birthday girl know I would not be attending the dinner as well as the dress shopping, and I just can't have people in my life who I'm not good enough for. I didn't even have to say anything else, as soon as my message was relayed I'm sure I was black listed and I will inevitably be shunned by this group. As sad as it was to have to end such great friendships, I can't be friends with someone who values the appearance of going to a fancy dinner over my feelings, and sheer ability to afford it.

IN OTHER NEWS:

I spent my weekend with the most amazing woman! Saturday we hung out with her friend Lauren, and made it an early night in preparation for FolkLife the next day. The rain let up just enough for us to stroll up the street from her new parking spot, and enjoy some food and crafts at the festival in Seattle Center. Monday we got up at 6am, and began packing the last of her things, and I spent my day scrubbing floors, vacuuming, mopping, and dusting. When we were done with that place it sparkled! For my efforts I was rewarded with a 314 Burger from Broadway Grill (yum), and Snow Patrol tickets @ the Paramount (yippie!!). Disclaimer: I have the best girlfriend, EVER. Be jealous.

Things are already starting to be homey at the Hotel Motel Holiday Inn, sooner rather than later life will get back to normal. (Even though I didn't mind the craziness.) My life is full, and happy.
My cup runneth over.

The honey IS the money.

I honestly don't think I've had this much fun my entire life, until recently. I'm totally loving being with J, she is so able to go out, meet my friends, and fit in like she's known them for years. And then turn around and just want to stay home and watch a movie.
I LOVE IT.

Last night, Ozzie's was a HUGE hit. We stopped by her new place to pick up the keys and sign the lease (which is about a block away from the bar... DANGEROUS), and once we were finished there we headed over to meet some of my STC buddies for drinks. Mind you, I've only hung out with about 3 people from work in a bar setting... and while it always turned out good before, last night was even better! I got to see some of the coolest people I work with in a casual setting with plenty of libations, and it ROCKED. I'll save all the gory details for my personal file of enjoyable dirt on other people. I'm thinking J living in QA is going to be SUPER fun!

This busy week is almost over, giving way to a very busy weekend. Tonight we're going to spend a quiet night at home with the dogs. Tomorrow I'm meeting the girls for brunch & bride's maid dress browsing, then fancy-schmancy dinner finished off with more drunken debauchery in QA. Hopefully, Sunday we'll be able to make it down to FolkLife to eat some funnel cakes and salmon ceasar salad. YUM.


3 day weekend here I come.

PS. You rock my world like no other...

Plain and simple..

"I'm looking for love...Real love...

Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming,

can't-live-without-each-other love."

-Carrie Bradshaw

I'm feeling this more every day. And the best part is, it's not freaking me out. Thats a good sign. This week is incredibly busy, and I can feel my attention being pulled in so many directions. But at the end of the day it's the most unbelieveable feeling to lay down next to her, with our bodies touching, and feel completely at ease. That closeness calms my fears and unruffles my feathers, leaving me with a clear head and a pounding heart. My heart swells with happiness when she calls me at work just to talk. Our communication will be what gets us through, and it is the main reason why I feel like this could really be something. People are so closed off, so scared to really say how they feel, no matter the time frame involved. Being around her openness is a breath of fresh air, and knocks me off my feet at times.

So, with all thats going on (J moving, the dogs, Cailin being in town, Volunteer stuff...) my brain is a little fried. Hopefully, J & I can have some alone "couple" time this weekend, and just be able to chill for about 5 seconds!

I think this post is a reflection of my energy level b/c this is where I'm stopping.

TONIGHT: Dinner & Gym

TOMORROW: Lunch w/ Cailin, Clint, Lacey & Sarah.

Ya... I said it...

Yesterday was a super long day, and today I'm just completly wipped out. My meeting at the Center turned out pretty good, no screaming or fighting dykes. I'll give a big thumbs up to that. We accomplished alot in the short 45 minutes we had to discuss where each of our individual efforts were. Below you'll find my two flyers. The first is for the March itsself, the second is JUST for my volunteer recruitment. Fun stuff... I heart Photoshop.

So after the meeting, I met J at her house to get the dogs and head to the gym. Well... 15 minutes turned into a 45 minute wait, and by the time she got home it was close to 8:30. Late nights at the gym aren't for the faint of heart. I was so tired but I knew if we didn't go, it'd just start the lazy ball rolling. After our standard 30 minutes on the bike, and some light weights, we decided to call it a night and go home. I sometimes step outside my euphoric thought process for about 5 seconds and look down on us and wonder how it is we had never met eachother before. I realize that timing is everything, and things happen on their own and the way they are supposed to but this is just too good to have only been going on for a few short weeks. The comfort level is immense and the more time I spend with her, the more I never want her to leave. I have always said I want a partner, someone who will be on my team, and work through everything with me, side by side. And I just may have found that partner. She is so incredibly fucking supportive, she encourages me to take care of myself, and she goes over and beyond to help me. (FYI: She is actually taking MY car in to have it's brakes looked at today.)

Long story short, I've got all these amazing visions in my head, and it may seem a little idealistic but I don't care.

PS. I want to live out every dream to it's fullest with you. I hope you'll have me...

A Girl and Her Dog...

... have strolled into my life, and I love it. Talk about a total package, and me getting lucky.

I'm really lucky this total package I refer to as J, came with an adorable English Cocker, Harper. Beene hasn't been lonely all weekend, even when J and I would take off on our own for a couple hours. Beene is starting to pee outside, and I can see how well behaved she will be with such a good, consistent voice around like J's. I hit the jackpot dating a dog walker!

So, Saturday... I took the dogs on a walk to the P A R K, and when I came back I noticed my car door was unlocked. Odd considering slamming the lock shut is so automatic to me, I never forget to do it. I looked a little closer and noticed my glove box was WIDE open, and my center console had been rifled through. And low and behold... yes, Shannon left her purse in the car. GONE. Luckily, I had my debit card in my pants... but my driver's license was taken, my insurance card, all my phone numbers AND my good clinigue compact & not to mention my $15 philosophy lip gloss from Sephora... SAD!!! So, in honor of the unwelcome invasion to my car, we decided to spend an hour or so cleaning out our respective vehicles. Something mine has needed for weeks!!! During this overhaul (and trust me thats what it was), J checked my oil, as the light had started to flicker within the last couple days. Low and fucking behold, my car was running on NO oil... ha. Story of my life, Murphy's Law " If anything can go wrong, it will." So, further inspection revealed I will most likely be needing some brake work done, and *VOILA* *POOF* Way to break the bank!! So, after giving me a good talking to ;) J, the pups and I went on errand runs. She fixed my tail light, we bought dog food, and went to the bank.

It was an oh-so domestic Saturday afternoon between two people who weren't looking for a relationship, and then this amazing thing happened. Saturday night was awesome, drinking hard cider and chatting, then heading out to my local haunt for a snack and cosmo's. I haven't been that buzzed in a long time, and of course I have this weird streak of luck running into people while Ive been drinking! As we were leaving the bar, I noticed a group of people... who just happened to be work friends standing outside... I had the awesome opportunity to introduce the most amazing fucking woman, to a handful of people who actually matter to me in one way or the other. Great sex lead to a late night, which lead to a rough morning Sunday. Obviously, nothing a little coffee and a good breakfast sandwich can't fix. We spent Sunday downtown, enjoying the city and the stores, walking around doing couple things. It was so unbelievably cozy to do those things with her. Walking through the market with her, the Harps & the Beene I felt like this is the fullest my life has ever been. On an extermely positive note... J found a place. YAY... its small but with the right stuff in it, we can make it work for her. I'm soooo happy she found something she is willing to work with.

We are so enthralled with one another, we managed to leave our left over sushi last night at the restaurant and didnt even notice when the server came after us. This obviously led to a severe laughing fit all the way home... which continued after a needed bowl of good greens, and snacking on a plethora of random food.

The last few minutes of my outstanding weekend were spent laying in bed next to the most beautiful woman, watching her fall asleep until I drifted off myself.

TONIGHT: Meeting @ The Center, gym with SUPER fitness girl

Lazy Days

The introduction of Harp & Beene seems to be going really well. Last night was a little hit and miss, but Beene so desperately wants to play with Harp all the time, it's so cute. She managed to sleep in a crate last night and not be a HUGE baby about it, I was so proud. I think J is taking a liking to her, regardless of all her silly puppy qualities. I'm really going to appreciate some training input from someone with so much experience with dogs. What a treat!!

The gym last night was amazing. I ate a good dinner of halibut, yams & green beans before we went, and by the end of our work out I was hungry again. I feel like my metabolism is finally speeding up and I'm burning off what I eat alot faster. We biked another 10.8 miles last night, I got my heart rate up to 202. Thats nuts!! I was borderline ready to pass out or puke by the end of the work out but my body feels good today.

Today, J had to head off to work, so I'm here on the couch watching movies, and responding to volunteer emails while the pups nap on the couch. Harps is being such a good girl... Beene is within paw distance and they are looking sooo cute together. I love it when they are calm.

TONIGHT: J @ my house w/ the dogs. Tomorrow... peroshky's in the market & possible a long walk with the animals.

PS. I feel at home with you...

It's a Beautiful Day...

Today is a definitely a day for U2. After a night of cleaning my house, (in preparation for J & Harp's sleepover this weekend) I went and spent my 5th night with her. I've never felt so close to someone so fast, I've never felt so ready to be with someone fully, as I do with her. Honestly, I feel safe. I feel safe knowing she is the person she wants to be already... she is no work in progress, no half assed attempts. She seems to live her life to the fullest by doing what makes her the most happy. Cheesey... but its refreshing to have finally met someone like that. Someone who doesn't need fixing... someone I can just be me with. I look at her and I get lost, she turns away. I think the feelings are just intense between us, it's almost like my eyes burn right through her's, and she can feel it. I see the worry she has, the hurt she's felt, and the caution she's still holding onto... all in her eyes. But there is so much more there... I can see the hope, she hasn't lost that.


(Brockley's first day home)
Today is the final day of "shared custody" of the dogs, I'm a little sad knowing this will be the last time I see Brockley for probably quite sometime. But this is the time for me to fully break away from a person who has turned my world upside down more times than I can count... this is LONG overdue. I remember the first time I laid eyes on her I teared up. Sitting on Cathy's hardwood floors watching Brock bumble around, all cute and floppy, still so unsure of how to walk without running into things. I do have to say it hasn't been easy with her. Her behavior and lack of bladder control have been a problem for so long... I only wish she gets into some obedience classes. I know she will be happy staying with my ex, and that does give me some comfort knowing that she loves Brock so much, and would always take very good care of her. It still doesn't take away from the heart wrenching feeling I have writting this.

Current Mood: A little sad, but overall very happy.
TONIGHT: Apt. viewing w/ J & the Harps & the Beene, gym, dinner of halibut, fresh corn on the cob & veggies & going to bed early!!

I will have a fabulous weekend. Again.

PS> This is how life should be...





"Touch me, take me to that other place.
Teach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case..." - "Beautiful Day" U2
I want to know all there is to know about her.

Computers for beginners...

I swear... if any of you reading my blog don't efficiently know how to use a computer, please, by all means speak up. I will be more than happy to come to you and do an in home tutorial. Why am I offering up my services? I've absolutely hit my breaking point with one group in particular I'm being forced to deal with for the Raise Your Voice March. I'm about to raise MY voice... at them!

Even with this small irritation, my day is still amazing. I'm not getting a whole lot of sleep lately but it's for a DAMN good reason. I can't even begin to explain the absolute awe insipring addiction I have for this person. The time we spend together it productive, and worth while, overall this is the most positive about life I've felt in a long time.

I can't wait for the gym results to start paying off. I'm really pushing myself harder than I ever have before. I realize in order for this to work I need to change my activity level as well as the food intake. So at this point, I'm being really aware of what I consume and more importantly, how much.

This is getting cut short... I'm being enticed via yahoo messanger.

Tonight: Cleaning & organizing.
Tomorrow: Plans with J & the dogs.

EDIT: Highlight of my day... leaving her notes. And the reaction when she find them...

Collapse into me, tired with joy...

I am so rocking out this morning. I've just got this incredible burst of energy lately, and it's really keeping me going. I love this feeling of motivation and lightness that's been coursing through me for the last couple days. I feel like the weight of everything serious is being lifted and I'm left with this peaceful but excited feeling of not knowing what may be around the corner for me.

I'm so hungry today... the fruit and granola I ate just wasn't enough. I think I'm craving other things, rather than food. I'm craving attention, and devotion, and activity. I can't wait for the gym tonight. My mind is spinning so fast I can't grab onto one or two statements, it's all a blur of words, and feelings and ideas.

-----------------------------------------

ANTM with the ladies is going to be phenomenal. What more could you ask for... Appetizer, wine & good friends! I'm really not all that enthused about the final 3. Jade is irritating with her Drag Queen qualities, Joanie is just too easy a choice, and Danielle is just a little too Southern Ghetto. I don't know, its like the Devil, the Favorite, and the Underdog. It really could go either way!




Currently Listening to: Snow Patrol "Hands Open"
Tonight: Gym, ANTM, and the good company of "A girl and her Dog"

Dykes on Bikes

Trips to the gym just got a little funner. I've managed to snag myself a SUPER Fitness Girl to partake in some much needed workouts. We stationary biked for 30 minutes (10.8 miles), then we did about 30-45 minutes of weights. I felt and feel amazing today. It's like my body really needed this. All the stress I've had built up over work, and volunteering... it all just came pouring out last night. It was the best... ok maybe something else is a little better.

I stayed up until 2:30am last night... god I haven't done that in so long. I've never had so much to say in my entire life. I'm going on 4 1/2 hours of sleep right now, and I woke up to a breakfast of eggs w/ mushrooms, tomatoes & onions w/ really good organic toast. YUM. I woke up, threw on my capris and I just felt ready for the day. I'm pounding the water right now, and anticipating my next trip to the gym with my Super Fitness Girl.

Verse 63:
Act without striving.
Work without interfering.
Find the flavour in what is flavourless.
Enlarge the small, increase the few.
Heal injury with goodness.
Handle the difficult while it is still easy.
Cultivate the great while it is still small.
All difficult things begin as easy things.
All great things begin as small things.
Therefore, the True Person never attempts anything great,and accomplishes great things.
Lightly made promises inspire little faith.
Trying to make things easy results in great difficulties.
Therefore, the True Person regards everything as difficult,and is never overcome by difficulties.

Word of the day : Introspection

Introspection: Contemplation of one's own thoughts, feelings, and sensations; self-examination

After having such a stressful week at work, and in regard to the volunteer work I'm doing on behalf of the Center (for the rally), I really needed to spend some time with myself and have a little fun. The fun was great, SUPER even... but when it came down to it, I believe it's safe to say my weekend was full of introspection. I spent a good portion of my time outside, really enjoying the sun and trees, and things I normally would take for granted.

I feel the need to be more thankful for what I do have in my life. I really feel the need to take better care of myself... mentally and physically.

Verse 3:
Not exalting the talented prevents rivalry.
Not valuing goods that are hard to obtain prevents stealing.
Not displaying desirable things prevents confusion of the heart.
Therefore, the True Person governs by emptying the heart of desire and filling the belly with food, weakening ambitions and strengthening bones.
If the people are simple and free from desire, then the clever ones never dare to interfere.
Practice action without striving and all will be in order.

And PS. You're OH so cool...

VOLUNTEERS WANTED

Volunteers WANTED!!

Alright guys… here it goes. I’m the Head Volunteer Coordinator for The Raise Your Voice March & Rally on Capitol Hill, Saturday Jun 24th @ 6pm.

The Raise Your Voice March & Rally will be directly following the annual Seattle Dyke Rally at Seattle Central Community College. The March will go up to Volunteer Park will be lead by the Dykes on Bikes, and a short rally will commence in the Park.

Line up for the march starts at 4pm. The March will move north on Broadway, ending in Volunteer Park. The route concludes with the final act of terrific music festival at the park. Rounding out the evening is the Three Dollar Cinema, showing their annual movie in the park.

Ok, long story short I’m asking my friends to come and support not only a Seattle tradition, but the beginning of a NEW Seattle tradition. And hell, to help me out!! If you’re reliable, and looking to be an integral part of this effort, I can use all the volunteers I can get. Assignments would be simple, and FUN.
Please if any of you are interested, let me know!!

Tao Te Ching

The Tao Te Ching was written in China roughly 2,500 years ago at about the same time when Buddha expounded the Dharma in India and Pythagoras taught in Greece. The Tao Te Ching is probably the most influential Chinese book of all times. Its 81 chapters have been translated into English more times than any other Chinese document.
The Tao Te Ching provides the basis for the philosophical school of Taoism, which is an important pillar of Chinese thought. Taoism teaches that there is one undivided truth at the root of all things. It literally means:








tao (the way)
te (strength/virtue)
ching (scripture)

VERSE 1:

The Tao that can be spoken of is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name.
The nameless is the beginning of heaven and earth.
The name is the mother of the ten thousand things.
Send your desires away and you will see the mystery.
Be filled with desire and you will see only the manifestation.
As these two come forth they differ in name.
Yet at their source they are the same.
This source is called a mystery.
Darkness within darkness, the gateway to all mystery.

Not so anonymous...

I finished reading "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey about a week ago. It's actually alot closer to "Ten Little Pieces" as a Dateline Hollywood article spoofed. The book was an interesting read but throughout I had to keep pushing the "Man Who Conned Oprah" article published by The Smoking Gun out of my head, to be able to enjoy it.

After dating a "dry" alcoholic for 3+ years, I really took this book to heart. I can't recall the countless episodes I've experienced with J. Alcoholics don't stop being alcoholics, just because they don't drink doesn't mean they're fixed. The affliction lives with them forever, and with their partners, & families as well.

J and James have an unfortunate quality in common, they both HATE AA and what it stands for, and they think they can will themselves to not drink. However, I thought it a little contridictory when he started reading or studying the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu. For someone who blatently abhors organized religion, he sure took a liking to the book.
If you'd like a REAL memoir of a drunk, packed full of ups & downs and messy relapses - Check out "Dry" by Augusten Burroughs.

I don't really know where I'm going with this post, I guess I'm just in the mood to get some shit out. After I read the book, I looked into the Tao, and honestly I had a hard time putting it down. It makes alot of simple statements but they are views I wish more people lived by. Its full of positive self affirmations, and tells you to open up your mind to not complicate things. Just take things as they are. I think just this alone would alleviate a whole shit load of stress in my life.

Speaking of stress, anyone up for a vacation? Ya, I am. I need to get out of this god foresaken office, and spend sometime outdoors. Camping, hiking, sleeping, eating... feeling better. This may be something I seriously persue. Take off for a weekend and get the hell out of here.