Blogging Hiatus

So, I don't think I've written anything, blogs included, for over a week and a half. Literally, I think everything I've communicated lately has been via email/computer. I haven't even been using my telephone much. Moving along...

After one week of being on a "diet", I'm ready to fall off the wagon. I've been living off of the following foods:

Breakfast: Chocolate Slim Fast, fruit or granola

Lunch: Chocolate Slim Fast, soup or half a sandwich

Snack: More granola

Dinner: Lean Cuisine

Dessert: A nice bowl of Special K

So, as you can see, I'm not eating much. I'm giving my body enough calories to keep my metabolism going, but on the flip side I'm STARVING and pissy. I am absolutely, without a doubt one of those people who get rather rabid if they don't eat frequently and substantially.

Back to this talk about falling off the fatty wagon, not only did I sneak some unnecessary hummus and chips from a neighboring potluck today but I went out drinking last night, and failed to remember Sarah's riveting tribute to Vodka Diets. Of course, I faltered and went for the vodka cran, not even realizing "Hey dumb ass liquids count just as much as food does!" I should know this, seeing as how all I've been eating is Slim Fast! UGH.

So the true test is just around the corner, THE WEEKEND. This is the first weekend of the diet. I'm thinking its a toss up whether or not it sticks.

Tune in and turn off - The Reality TV Generation

In honor of tomorrow's blessed reality television event (1st Episode of Season 6: America's Next Top Model) I thought I'd run down a few of my replacement programs. (In no particular order, and these are purely one's Im interested in:)

Celebrity Fit Club 3: There are so many obvious reasons to watch this show. Where else can you catch a glimpse of former scene stealing celebrities from years past, now in their current overweight and depressed state? Why, VH1 as a matter of fact! In case you've never had the pleasure of watching this show let me fill everyone in at home how this show works. Basically, VH1 picks some of the most shockingly fatty celebrities to compete on teams against each other for the most total amount of weight lost individually and as a team. Sounds a little entertaining, right? Just wait, it gets better... you have the ultimate opportunity to watch these poor disenfranchised souls announcing their successes and pitfalls in the Battle of the Bulge during a weekly weigh in. Between the tears, and laughter this season we had the chance to witness a drug induced outburst from none other than former Taxi star, Jeff Connelly. What more could you ask for? Sex maybe? Sure... I guess... but who wants to watch all that extra skin on Chastity Bono flapping around? This however leads me to my next bit of television eye candy...

Flavor of Love: Again, only on VH1 people... Who the hell else would give Flavor Flav's nonsense talkin' ass a show? Obviously, his stint on The Surreal Life AND Strange Love wasn't enough. At this point it looks like Flav's love life is really a personal mission for VH1. How sweet. This season, Flav had 20, 20-something ladies move into his California mansion and set up shop while he got to know each of them (with his penis), trying to determine which lady he had a shot at a "relationship" with. Ups and down, clocks or no clocks, screaming matches, completely delusional women, spitting in faces and a verbal bashing by Brigitte Nielson... somehow we have made it down to two women. Oh, excuse me... one woman, and one nut case. Maybe one of them will figure out "what time it is" and jump ship before she becomes the mother to the last 4 of Flav's desired 10 children. Either way... I must admit I will miss the chance at seeing his chrome plated mouth chow down on one more chicken wing...

The Gauntlet: I have to say, after not having cable for about 5 years I'm pleased to see MTV is still finding ways to spin and change The Real World and Road Rules... now spawning a hybrid of the two, The Gauntlet. Not only does MTV whisk them away to a tropical destination ( = no clothes), but they shack them up together ( = sex). Admittedly, the only reason I started watching this sweaty, hormonally charged show was because of one woman... BETH. This chick was a trash talking narcissist on Real World L.A. Season 2, and not a damn thing has changed. My god, that had to be close to 8 years ago, and the bitch is still running her mouth! Now that Beth has fatefully departed the show, after bitching out in The Gauntlet, I'm left to watch the remaining challengers scratch and fight their way toward some cash. And get naked along the way!

Opening Blog - Take 2

So, yesterday after admitting pure boredom for the 800th time while at work, I decided to follow in the wise footsteps of two friends, and set up a blog spot. I began typing, feeling the words gush out of my fingertips, thoughts guiding my hands across the keyboard. A riff between two friends, fresh in my mind, I had plenty to blog about. I was on a role, witty comments, smart one liners... it all sounded great. It was really shaping up to be a work of greatness... then the unthinkable happened. My shitty web browser CLOSED. No prompt, no warning... no obligatory ERROR message. Just. Nothing. A blank screen followed by only the sound of my jaw hitting the desk. I was utterly irate, biting my tongue because I'm obviously at work, and unable to scream the bloody obscenities I really want to. Instead, I shut down my computer, and trudge home, trying desperately to recite the lost words in my mind, hoping they might stay fresh enough for me to scribble down when I arrive home. So, I sat with a pen and paper in front of me for what seemed to be hours on end, completely unable to recount the words I had typed only hours before. In the end, I gave up the useless attempt and turned my attention to more important things... Reality TV.